Finding the Right Path and Knowing What you Want

These past couple of months have been extremely busy and hectic. Several things took place at once; I produced/directed a web series, had a change in leadership in both church ministry and work, and went on a road trip to Winnipeg, Canada, on top of working on a big industry feature film. All while still working my regular job.

Even now I still have a lot more work to do on the web series with still taking on even more hours at work due to “Organizational Changes” *sigh*. And the next months is going to be even busier (film fests, show premieres, another vaca, and retail holiday season).

Through all these shifts moving around me, I feel a shift of my own coming. To what, I’m not sure. It’s funny, whenever you feel that something big is coming all the things around you start to move and shift and suddenly there are all these opportunities that present themselves to you. But if you aren’t careful, you won’t know if they are actual opportunities or just traps.

I read this article today and there was a part in there that perfectly summed up what I was thinking:

More than 60 percent of millennials say they’d rather earn $40,000 per year at a job they love than $100,000 at one they hate. And what they crave most is the flexibility to work when, where and how they want in order to balance work-life demands. Many are even willing to take a pay cut or skip a promotion to get it. Parade

Of course this can pertain to others outside of Millennials but this gets my next point.

There is this position that opened up at my job. One that is in an area that I know, with people who I like, more hours, and potential higher pay. Sounds good right? Except that I don’t want it. Would I like a better paycheck? Sure. The problem? I don’t really like that job, in fact that is why I changed positions in the first place.

That only thing that job opening is doing and serving as a distraction from what I really want to do. It is the easy logical route but it’s not one that I’m feelin’ right now. I’ve taken the easy route too many times now and it’s made me nothing but more aggravated in the end.

If you feel a shift coming for something bigger and better, don’t get distracted by the readily available safe options that will suddenly present themselves. They may look good but taking it may mean you miss out on the truly great one. Be honest and know what you really want, and be willing to wait for it or push for it if need be. You will find the right path and it will be worth it in the end.

You Have Not Because You Ask Not

This is a phrase that I’ve heard frequently in my life. Sometimes posed as that, other times as ask and you shall receive, seek and you shall find. Either way, they both carry the same meaning. You have to go after it or you won’t get it.

This seems like such a simple phrase but, it wasn’t until recently that I finally got it, that it finally clicked.

No, this doesn’t mean that you will always get what you ask for or that you will have something simply because you asked for it. It just means that you don’t really know what the answer is going to be until you ask.

Take this for example.

I am currently producing a webseries but I ran into some issues when I realized that the premise of one of the episodes would probably be a copyright issue that could blow up in my face later. Now I could have just said, forget it, and thrown out the episode, but instead, I decided to ask.

I contacted the company and asked them for permission to use their product in my webseries. And they said yes! Not only that but they wanted to hear more about the webseries and how they could help.

Now that answer could have gone the other way, I could have heard no, and had to toss out the episode. BUT it was better for them to tell me no, than for me to tell myself no, not really knowing the answer.

That’s the thing about “You have not because you ask not”, you may not have it simply because you haven’t asked. Sure you might have been dropping hints, or hoping for a certain outcome, or thought that whatever it is you wanted was just not a possibility.

Did you ask though? If you didn’t ask then how do you know? The worst you can hear is no, but hearing no is better telling yourself no or just not knowing.

Is there something out there you’ve wanted and haven’t asked for? Then ask, and see what happens.

Image courtesy of Master isolated images at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Myers Briggs: The Scarily Accurate Personality Test

Back when I was in high school I took a career development class in which we had to take the Myers Briggs personality test to determine our career aptitude. Even at that point I had a pretty good grasp of where I fit and what career I was going after, but it was still good to have further insight and affirmation.

It has been a while since then and my life has taken a few unexpected turns. It’s funny, you always have this vision of your life and how it will end up but it never really seems to turn out that way.

Currently I am taking a Life Coach certification course and reading books on that subject and one of the things that was recommended was, of course, the Myers Briggs test. Different stages in your life can give you a different answer each time you take the test.

When you take the test you answer a series of questions and the results determine your personality type. Then afterwards you are given a brief description of what your exact type is like.

The test is broken down into four areas:

• Extroverted (E) v. Introverted (I)
• Intuitive (N) v. Observant (S)
• Thinking (T) v. Feeling (F)
• Judging (J) v. Prospecting (P)

The very first time I took the test I was INTJ, this time I am INTP. As for the personality profile… it was weirdly accurate, even on the things I don’t like to admit to myself.

What was great about the site that I was on was that at the bottom of the personality summary there were countless comments all from people with the same personality type. Each one echoed my own thoughts, one even said “It’s like having your brain on a page,” which is exactly what it felt like.

I encourage you to take the test and find out more about yourself. Who knows it may help you discover something you didn’t realize or just let you know that someone else out there is just as weird and awesome as you are.

This is where I took the test and yes it is free: http://www.16personalities.com/

Currently Reading: The Five Love Languages

This is one of those books that is popular in Christian circles along with, “The Purpose Driven Life” and “I Kissed Dating Goodbye”. I know a lot of people who have read the book and talk often about how it changed their perspective on love and relationships, especially married couples. So I decided to give it a go.

I got the singles version of the book from the library and from there it continued to sit on my dresser. Periodically I would think about starting it or one of the many other books stacked on top of it. Occasionally I would get a reminder from the library, in which I would then have to renew it, again. By the third time, I thought perhaps I should finally get started. So I did. Turned out to be a good read.

The book, of course, talks about there being five different love languages and how we all need to receive love through each but one of them speaks more than the other. If the one we speak the most is not met then regardless of how much we get the other languages we are still empty.

It goes through how to tell which one is yours and how to tell what the languages are of other people. This part I thought was interesting because if you know someone else’s language then you knew how to love them properly.

So what is mine? Apparently, “quality time”. Which makes sense, what I really want is for someone to just listen when I speak and just be in the room with me. I am also fine with acts of service, receiving gifts, and word of affirmation. The hard one for me is touch.

I don’t really like touching people or being touch. I can do minimal stuff but extended touching (i.e. sitting close to somebody or long hugs) really make me feel like there is something bubbling in my stomach and it won’t stop until we stop touching. Too long and I feel like running or making a loud uncomfortable noise.

I’m not sure why this is but it definitely the hardest one for me to reciprocate, especially if it is someone’s love language. I’m trying to do better with it, but sometimes I really just want to wear a shirt that says “Please don’t touch me,”.

I do recommend reading this book, it comes in various forms depending on your stage in life. It was very insightful about myself and my friends and family. I’ll definitely start putting this in practice.

Well Meaning

Along your path to your dreams you will meet (or be related to) some well-meaning people who just don’t understand what you are trying to achieve. People who will only see your struggles and not your dreams. And you will try to explain to them what you are trying to do and they just won’t get it.

They will keep throwing at you what the “world” says to do, you know the normal things. They try to tell you that what you are doing isn’t how it works. They say that you are supposed to get a good paying job, where you work a set hours per week, with a set paycheck amount, then you work there for years, steadily putting money away, until you retire and collect your pension/social security.

That way of thinking is fine, but you don’t want fine, you want extraordinary. You want the life that they just can’t seem to grasp. Every setback is another opportunity to say that you are doing it wrong. Every struggle causes them to look at you with pity.

Until… you succeed.

Then suddenly their tune changes. Then they sing your praises or they criticize you, wondering what you did to get what you got. But don’t try to explain it to them, if they didn’t get it when you were trying to do it then they won’t get it when you’ve done it.

Yes, these people in your life mean well but sometimes you’ve got tune them out and continue to move to that beat in your head.

Living in the Now

It’s not about what you did in the past it’s about what you are going to do now. 

Can you think of something you regret? Something so big that you think that if that incident turned out differently than your life would have been better off? Did something immediately come to mind?

Ever talk to someone and all they can talk about is the past? You try to have a conversation with them about what is going on now but they only ever want to talk about what happened last month or year ago, always reminiscing. Or the person who always brings up that one bad moment in their life and they have recited it so much that you can repeat it along with them.

Are you that person?

I love talking to people who are forward thinkers. Sure they can tell you about their past and what they did yesterday but they always seem to link it with what they are going to do tomorrow or in the future. They are constantly full hope and possibility and just talking to them gets you looking at your own life and possibilities.

So if forward thinkers get you thinking of the future, then backward thinkers will have you thinking about the past, and yet only one of those you can do something about? So which one is more productive and which one should you actually do?

It is okay to acknowledge the past but make sure it doesn’t hinder you from look to the future.

 

The Cost of Getting Comfortable

Janice had this dream to become a great architect someday. She went to a top school and had top marks, and even a really great internship. She graduated, applied for jobs, and then… nothing. She had some great interviews even made it to second and third round of hiring fairs, yet she still couldn’t land a job.

Her six months were coming up and soon she would have to start paying back her student loans, so she started getting desperate. She went to a job fair and just applied to any place that seemed somewhat interesting. She ended up landing a lower end job in a mediocre company but was grateful to be somewhere so she could pay her bills.

Fast forward to six years later.

Janice has moved up several places in the company, she’s getting a really great salary, and she even has money to go on vacations and buy things. At work, her position keeps her busy. She is in charge of a few employees and there is always something to do. Each night she goes home exhausted with little energy to do much else.

Now and again she will stand in front of a construction site and just watch as a new building is being put up. She could stand there for hours just watching but usually she has to rush back from lunch before she is late for work. She doesn’t hate her job, there are actually a lot of moments in which she enjoys it. Yet in those moments in which she becomes really frustrated with her job she wonders why she is even still there. She wonders just what happened to her dream.

What did happen to her dream? Janice became too comfortable.

When things don’t always work as we would hope we come up with a Plan B. In this case Janice got a job so she could pay her bills. That job became her security blanket. She was able to pay her bills, save money, and go on vacations; all basic things we would all like to do. Of course she would take a nice promotion. Of course she would work overtime to get a little more christmas money in her pocket and that nice bonus. Why wouldn’t she? It was the easier thing to do.

But the thing is, the more she stayed in that job, the harder it would be to switch to her dream.  That job had created a nice groove in her life and climbing out would be hard, it would be terrifying. It would take away the sureness of her next paycheck. It could cost her everything.

Why is it that we only welcome change or push for it when we are in discomfort?

Following the normal grind is easier, it’s comfortable because it is what we know. Following your dream is hard, painful, and sometimes feels like you are being torn apart from the inside out. There are moments in which I am building my dream in which I just want to put everything on pause and internet binge for the next five hours. I’ll even suddenly create a busy lifestyle of going out just to avoid doing what i know I should be doing. That is until my introvert spirit begs for rest.

I’m uncomfortable all the time but that is a good thing because the moment I become comfortable is the moment I stop growing, the moment I stop pursuing. Let’s go back to Janice.

Janice has decided to stop being comfortable. Although she is exhausted after work she pushes herself to stay upright and apply for jobs. While she waits to hear back she continues to work on sketches and 3D renderings of buildings. She stops at that construction site again but this time she makes friends with the contractors and GM.

And at work she says no to those overtime shifts and a promotion that will require her to take on more hours. It’s hard because she knows that it is good money she turned down but she knows that her dream will require sacrifice and if she is really going to make this work than she can’t be putting her time into other things. She knows these next few months are going to be hard but in the end it will be worth it.

Timing is Key

In the fall of my senior year of college I had taken a course in entrepreneurial business. I was at this point in my life in which I decided I wanted to be a producer instead of a director and therefore needed to learn the business side of things.

From the description of the class we were going to learn how to start an online business and make money from it. I thought it would be cool so I signed up. What it turned out to be was a class on blogging.

You see at the time of the class the only sort of “blogging” I knew about was xanga, livejournal, and myspace. All sites where people just journaled their thoughts and feelings to the world. So right away I was worried about this assignment that would be the whole of my grade.

We were supposed, pick a niche, use blogger and create a website in which we continuously add content, and use google adwords to get money. Seems like a pretty neat class right? Well… at the time not so much. I couldn’t think of a single “niche” to create a website about. Matter of fact I couldn’t think of anything I wanted to put out for the world to see. AND on top of that we had to compete for the best site based on adword clicks and site visits?

So yeah I dropped the class in a hurry.

Fast forward to now where I’ve done a movie blog, a student debt one, and now this. Would that class be a great thing to have now? Yes!

The thing is, timing is key. Sometimes the things that annoy us in the past are the very same things that we embrace later. I mean how many of us hated vegetables as a kid but enjoy eating them now? How many of us hated when our parents would make us stay home or when there was nothing to do on a friday night but now we relish it? Or how about when you know someone (a friend of a friend) but it’s not till years later where suddenly you and that person really click and you wonder why you never clicked before? Timing.

Not everything falls in just like we think or hope it should because sometimes the timing just isn’t right yet.

Communicate How You Would Like To Be Communicated To

Let’s say you interviewed for a job or you are collaborating with someone on a project. You meet, you hit it off, and you end the meeting with the other person saying they will get back to you by a certain period time. You say “Ok sounds great,” and you part.

Now you are waiting, and you hate waiting, but you understand that the other person is busy, so you continue to wait. After all the designated time in which they said they would communicate by hasn’t arrived yet. Matter of fact it’s only been one day. You know you need to chill out but you can’t help it because you are so flippin’ excited for the possibility of what could come.

Then it happens. The designated time passes and you hear nothing. Not a single word. But you don’t sweat it because, again, you know they are busy and things happen so you just keep waiting. And waiting. And waiting. And waiting, until you’ve gone from excited, to worried, to annoyed, to pissed off, and finally you begin to wonder if maybe it was all in your head and the meeting wasn’t as great as you thought it was.

So you decided to shoot them an email or give them a call to “see how things are going”. But they either don’t respond or they respond with a vague reply that does nothing to alleviate your pain and you are so close to losing it that you express to everyone (even that poor barista) just how frustrated you are with the whole stupid situation. 

But then you calm yourself down and decide to give it a few days before contacting the person again in hopes of getting a more concrete answer. You ask yourself just how many times you can call/email a person before they really hate you? 

Finally, after who knows how many times, you get an answer that says “Oh yeah we filled that position some time ago” or “Yeah I got really busy so…” or “I found something better so I decided not to do it” (yes that is a legit response I was sent). You then proceed to smash whatever digital device you have in your hand into tiny microbial bits so that Sherlock could not even decipher what it used to be.

Here’s the thing: we’ve all been on both sides of this in which we’ve wished someone had communicated more or in which we probably could have done more communicating. Sometimes when we are on the side of the communicator we forget what it is like to be the person waiting to hear back.

Nobody can see what the other side is doing and even if we become busy and are just swamped, it doesn’t mean that the other person knows that. And even if they do know that, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t stop for a moment to acknowledge that they are waiting.

So if you say you we’re going to do something by a certain time and it’s not done, communicate that. If something is taking longer than you expect, communicate that. If the person reaches out to you and you realize that you have not been communicating: respond promptly, apologize, don’t make excuses, and assure them that you are working on it.

Even if things don’t work out in the end, you will have left a better taste in their mouth, knowing that you were open and honest in your communication with them.

Currently Reading: Pitch Perfect

Have you ever had a moment where you said something and wished that it didn’t come out of your mouth? Or have you ever walked away only to come up with the perfect response just a little too late? Or maybe you gave a speech and it turned out horrible? That is what this book, Pitch Perfect is about, those moments.

In this BIll McGowan breaks down the how you can effectively communicate in your personal and professional life. He introduces seven principles that you can apply.

What originally drew me to this book was the fact that my communications skills are somewhat lacking. It is not the fact that I do not communicate, it is more about how I come across. Many times I am viewed as cold or blunt when I don’t try to be. Also I have a RBF. Which essentially means that I always look angry even when usually I am happy. Sometimes I think that if I was just born with a happier looking face things would be a lot easier, lol.

The other thing I wanted to work on is pausing before I speak. I tend to stumble over my words, especially when I am excited. This is covered in his book under the No Tailgating Principle.

The speed in which you talk should be directly proportional to how certain you are about the next sentence coming out of your mouth.

He also covers how your posture, stance, facial expressions (especially when listening), tone of voice, and gestures play a part in how you come off either in a conversation or a presentation. And if you need to know how to graciously turn someone down or congratulate someone you don’t like, the book goes over that too.

Overall I think this is a great book to read. Each chapter is filled with funny anecdotes and real life stories that puts the book’s principles in perspective. The knowledge in it is easy to follow and you don’t feel overwhelmed chapter after chapter.

If you are looking to improve your communication skills this is a great book to add to your repertoire.