You Have Not Because You Ask Not

Standard

This is a phrase that I’ve heard frequently in my life. Sometimes posed as that, other times as ask and you shall receive, seek and you shall find. Either way, they both carry the same meaning. You have to go after it or you won’t get it.

This seems like such a simple phrase but, it wasn’t until recently that I finally got it, that it finally clicked.

No, this doesn’t mean that you will always get what you ask for or that you will have something simply because you asked for it. It just means that you don’t really know what the answer is going to be until you ask.

Take this for example.

I am currently producing a webseries but I ran into some issues when I realized that the premise of one of the episodes would probably be a copyright issue that could blow up in my face later. Now I could have just said, forget it, and thrown out the episode, but instead, I decided to ask.

I contacted the company and asked them for permission to use their product in my webseries. And they said yes! Not only that but they wanted to hear more about the webseries and how they could help.

Now that answer could have gone the other way, I could have heard no, and had to toss out the episode. BUT it was better for them to tell me no, than for me to tell myself no, not really knowing the answer.

That’s the thing about “You have not because you ask not”, you may not have it simply because you haven’t asked. Sure you might have been dropping hints, or hoping for a certain outcome, or thought that whatever it is you wanted was just not a possibility.

Did you ask though? If you didn’t ask then how do you know? The worst you can hear is no, but hearing no is better telling yourself no or just not knowing.

Is there something out there you’ve wanted and haven’t asked for? Then ask, and see what happens.

Image courtesy of Master isolated images at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Currently Reading: The Passion Test

Standard

As part of my life coach studies I have picked up a few books about finding your purpose in life and this is one of them. Usually I read these taking on two perspectives: someone who is searching for their passion and someone who is looking to help others find their passion.

It seems that a lot of these books have their own “sure fire” method has to how to find fulfillment in your life. This book is no different.

A lot of this book to me felt kind of like fodder. There is the actual passion test, which was helpful but not really awe inspiring, but there were so many chapter lead ups to it, that I almost put the book down before I got to it. And then when I did get to it I was like “That’s it?”.

Basically you write down a list of ten things that describe what you ideal life looks like then you do this process of elimination to find the top five and those are your current passions. Interesting and perhaps insightful but I felt I could have gotten the information I really needed in this book in like five pages.

The big build up was the author’s, Janet Attwood, story about her enlightened trip. It was a cool story but, again, I felt the build up was a bit much. The rest of it felt like a lot of peddling of their accomplishments and projects.

Unfortunately this is probably the first book I didn’t finish. Once I took the test I basically got what I wanted out the book. Not sure if I would recommend the book but I do think the Passion Test is worth taking.

Myers Briggs: The Scarily Accurate Personality Test

Standard

Back when I was in high school I took a career development class in which we had to take the Myers Briggs personality test to determine our career aptitude. Even at that point I had a pretty good grasp of where I fit and what career I was going after, but it was still good to have further insight and affirmation.

It has been a while since then and my life has taken a few unexpected turns. It’s funny, you always have this vision of your life and how it will end up but it never really seems to turn out that way.

Currently I am taking a Life Coach certification course and reading books on that subject and one of the things that was recommended was, of course, the Myers Briggs test. Different stages in your life can give you a different answer each time you take the test.

When you take the test you answer a series of questions and the results determine your personality type. Then afterwards you are given a brief description of what your exact type is like.

The test is broken down into four areas:

  • Extroverted (E) v. Introverted (I)
  • Intuitive (N) v. Observant (S)
  • Thinking (T) v. Feeling (F)
  • Judging (J) v. Prospecting (P)

The very first time I took the test I was INTJ, this time I am INTP. As for the personality profile… it was weirdly accurate, even on the things I don’t like to admit to myself.

What was great about the site that I was on was that at the bottom of the personality summary there were countless comments all from people with the same personality type. Each one echoed my own thoughts, one even said “It’s like having your brain on a page,” which is exactly what it felt like.

I encourage you to take the test and find out more about yourself. Who knows it may help you discover something you didn’t realize or just let you know that someone else out there is just as weird and awesome as you are.

This is where I took the test and yes it is free: http://www.16personalities.com/

Well Meaning

Standard

Along your path to your dreams you will meet (or be related to) some well-meaning people who just don’t understand what you are trying to achieve. People who will only see your struggles and not your dreams. And you will try to explain to them what you are trying to do and they just won’t get it.

They will keep throwing at you what the “world” says to do, you know the normal things. They try to tell you that what you are doing isn’t how it works. They say that you are supposed to get a good paying job, where you work a set hours per week, with a set paycheck amount, then you work there for years, steadily putting money away, until you retire and collect your pension/social security.

That way of thinking is fine, but you don’t want fine, you want extraordinary. You want the life that they just can’t seem to grasp. Every setback is another opportunity to say that you are doing it wrong. Every struggle causes them to look at you with pity.

Until… you succeed.

Then suddenly their tune changes. Then they sing your praises or they criticize you, wondering what you did to get what you got. But don’t try to explain it to them, if they didn’t get it when you were trying to do it then they won’t get it when you’ve done it.

Yes, these people in your life mean well but sometimes you’ve got tune them out and continue to move to that beat in your head.

Living in the Now

Standard

It’s not about what you did in the past it’s about what you are going to do now. 

Can you think of something you regret? Something so big that you think that if that incident turned out differently than your life would have been better off? Did something immediately come to mind?

Ever talk to someone and all they can talk about is the past? You try to have a conversation with them about what is going on now but they only ever want to talk about what happened last month or year ago, always reminiscing. Or the person who always brings up that one bad moment in their life and they have recited it so much that you can repeat it along with them.

Are you that person?

I love talking to people who are forward thinkers. Sure they can tell you about their past and what they did yesterday but they always seem to link it with what they are going to do tomorrow or in the future. They are constantly full hope and possibility and just talking to them gets you looking at your own life and possibilities.

So if forward thinkers get you thinking of the future, then backward thinkers will have you thinking about the past, and yet only one of those you can do something about? So which one is more productive and which one should you actually do?

It is okay to acknowledge the past but make sure it doesn’t hinder you from look to the future.

 

The Cost of Getting Comfortable 

Standard

Janice had this dream to become a great architect someday. She went to a top school and had top marks, and even a really great internship. She graduated, applied for jobs, and then… nothing. She had some great interviews even made it to second and third round of hiring fairs, yet she still couldn’t land a job.

Her six months were coming up and soon she would have to start paying back her student loans, so she started getting desperate. She went to a job fair and just applied to any place that seemed somewhat interesting. She ended up landing a lower end job in a mediocre company but was grateful to be somewhere so she could pay her bills.

Fast forward to six years later.

Janice has moved up several places in the company, she’s getting a really great salary, and she even has money to go on vacations and buy things. At work, her position keeps her busy. She is in charge of a few employees and there is always something to do. Each night she goes home exhausted with little energy to do much else.

Now and again she will stand in front of a construction site and just watch as a new building is being put up. She could stand there for hours just watching but usually she has to rush back from lunch before she is late for work. She doesn’t hate her job, there are actually a lot of moments in which she enjoys it. Yet in those moments in which she becomes really frustrated with her job she wonders why she is even still there. She wonders just what happened to her dream.

What did happen to her dream? Janice became too comfortable.

When things don’t always work as we would hope we come up with a Plan B. In this case Janice got a job so she could pay her bills. That job became her security blanket. She was able to pay her bills, save money, and go on vacations; all basic things we would all like to do. Of course she would take a nice promotion. Of course she would work overtime to get a little more christmas money in her pocket and that nice bonus. Why wouldn’t she? It was the easier thing to do.

But the thing is, the more she stayed in that job, the harder it would be to switch to her dream.  That job had created a nice groove in her life and climbing out would be hard, it would be terrifying. It would take away the sureness of her next paycheck. It could cost her everything.

Why is it that we only welcome change or push for it when we are in discomfort?

Following the normal grind is easier, it’s comfortable because it is what we know. Following your dream is hard, painful, and sometimes feels like you are being torn apart from the inside out. There are moments in which I am building my dream in which I just want to put everything on pause and internet binge for the next five hours. I’ll even suddenly create a busy lifestyle of going out just to avoid doing what i know I should be doing. That is until my introvert spirit begs for rest.

I’m uncomfortable all the time but that is a good thing because the moment I become comfortable is the moment I stop growing, the moment I stop pursuing. Let’s go back to Janice.

Janice has decided to stop being comfortable. Although she is exhausted after work she pushes herself to stay upright and apply for jobs. While she waits to hear back she continues to work on sketches and 3D renderings of buildings. She stops at that construction site again but this time she makes friends with the contractors and GM.

And at work she says no to those overtime shifts and a promotion that will require her to take on more hours. It’s hard because she knows that it is good money she turned down but she knows that her dream will require sacrifice and if she is really going to make this work than she can’t be putting her time into other things. She knows these next few months are going to be hard but in the end it will be worth it.

My Three Day Juice Cleanse

Standard

So I decided to do a 3-day cleanse in hopes of flushing out all the dairy in my system. I’m lactose intolerant and for a long time I had been ignoring that fact and taking lactose pills to help. The only thing is they didn’t really help and the dairy effects were only muted not stopped.

Thus came eating paleo. I don’t really have an issue with grains but I wanted to cut back in them and I knew that none of the recipes contained dairy so that helped a lot.

I had already started eating a bit healthier the past few weeks but wanted to get rid of the bad stuff I had taken in, in the past. So came the three-day cleanse. Oh boy.

Day 1
So I don’t own a juicer but I had watched some YouTube videos on how I can blend vegetables with a blender. I have a ninja… It turned it into a very delicious salsa. So puréed and thick that there was barely any juice. Yum.

So Plan B: I went to a Trader Joe’s and bought some fresh made juice, enough to last me the three days. I got this low sodium garden one. Low sodium? Holy buckets it was super salty. If that was low sodium I don’t even want to think of what the regular one tasted like.

That being said the hardest part was at night. At work I would keep busy and not really think about food or eating but at night I slowed down and my mind could only think about food. I had read several blogs about this before hand and many of them said the same thing: you will want to eat not because you are hungry but for the sake of just putting something solid in you mouth and chewing it. Which was so true.

Day 2

Less hungry and again because I am at work I can focus less on food. Usually I wake up wanting to eat breakfast but this time I felt fine. The big thing was lack of sleep though. I had not been sleeping well the past few nights and this only seemed to expand this. I would be tired and want to go to bed yet I couldn’t fall asleep.

Tried one of the single juices I had bought (I bought a red and a green one, I tried the red). It was awful I don’t know why I thought it would be good after I read the ingredients again. It was tart and had a serious back bite from the ginger and celery in it. It said it had one apple too but it must have gotten lost on the way to the bottle. Hoping the green one is better.

Still want to shove everything I can in my mouth. Time seems to have slowed down and I am counting the hours until I can have solid food again. It’s weird wanting food so badly even when I’m not hungry. And it really doesn’t help when the other person in the house is cooking corn dogs and smelling up the place, lol.

Day 3 (Thank God!)

So this is the last day. Usually I have two events that go on so I spend sometime at panera or such place writing between events. Since I am not eating food I went to the library instead.

Noticing that my focus is really off and my tongue white and feels really dry even though I am drinking water. I read that these can both be side effects of juicing. It didn’t help that it was freezing in the library either.

Other bloggers wrote that by the third day they felt refreshed, not hungry, and a burst of energy. Some even said they felt they could keep going for days. I felt none of these things. Partly because I had maybe four hours of sleep. By the end of my second event I could barely stay awake. Also really wanted to eat food.

Conclusion

The second midnight hit and the three days were officially done I celebrated by eating a banana. It felt soooo good. Overall I do notice a bit of a difference but I think most of that will come into effect the next few days. Will I do this again? Uh probably not unless ordered by a doctor. It is expensive and a constant struggle of mind over matter.

So if any of you want to try this, good luck, and let me know how it turns out.

 

Photo credited to: FreeDigitalPhotos.net Photo by Apolonia.

Currently Reading: Pitch Perfect

Standard

Have you ever had a moment where you said something and wished that it didn’t come out of your mouth? Or have you ever walked away only to come up with the perfect response just a little too late? Or maybe you gave a speech and it turned out horrible? That is what this book, Pitch Perfect is about, those moments.

In this BIll McGowan breaks down the how you can effectively communicate in your personal and professional life. He introduces seven principles that you can apply.

What originally drew me to this book was the fact that my communications skills are somewhat lacking. It is not the fact that I do not communicate, it is more about how I come across. Many times I am viewed as cold or blunt when I don’t try to be. Also I have a RBF. Which essentially means that I always look angry even when usually I am happy. Sometimes I think that if I was just born with a happier looking face things would be a lot easier, lol.

The other thing I wanted to work on is pausing before I speak. I tend to stumble over my words, especially when I am excited. This is covered in his book under the No Tailgating Principle.

The speed in which you talk should be directly proportional to how certain you are about the next sentence coming out of your mouth.

He also covers how your posture, stance, facial expressions (especially when listening), tone of voice, and gestures play a part in how you come off either in a conversation or a presentation. And if you need to know how to graciously turn someone down or congratulate someone you don’t like, the book goes over that too.

Overall I think this is a great book to read. Each chapter is filled with funny anecdotes and real life stories that puts the book’s principles in perspective. The knowledge in it is easy to follow and you don’t feel overwhelmed chapter after chapter.

If you are looking to improve your communication skills this is a great book to add to your repertoire.

 

 

 

The Easy Way Out

Standard

I once had entered this submission contest where you had to submit a short video and the top five videos would be picked and you would receive a prize, which was to go on a really cool trip. Now when I first saw this contest I wasn’t so sure about. I had heard about it kind of late in the game, three days before it was due, and wasn’t sure if I would get it done in time. So I mulled it over and over and finally decided to submit a video.

Now I have to say the video I did put together was actually pretty awesome and definitely reflected my style and personality. As I submitted I thought “this is it” I thought that I was going to win and that this would start to turn things around for me. However I didn’t win, but what I did do was realize something about myself.

If you notice in the last paragraph I had written that I thought “that this would start to turn things around for me,”. That’s the part I learned about myself, that was revealed to me by my mentor, and that I really need to change.

You see my life up to this point hasn’t been what I wanted it to be. I seem to keep moving but I get nowhere fast. With this contest I was throwing my hopes and dreams at it and thinking that if only I were to win this than things would be better, my life would be better. Would it? Or would I just end up back where I was? And what if I didn’t win? Then what?

You see this is called taking the easy way out. It is throwing your hopes and dreams at one thing and expecting that one thing to turn your life around. But it is also coping out because if that one thing fails you can just say “well I guess it wasn’t meant to be” or put the fault onto the failure of that thing.

Examples of this could be: trying to find a publisher for your novel and not getting a hit, or pitching an idea to your boss or investors and it not taking, or going for a promotion or raise and not getting it, or saying you need a friend to do something with you (like going to the gym) and when you can’t find one you just don’t go. You get the idea, but these are taking the easy way out.
It’s saying “Oh well the door closed on that so there must not be another door,”. When it reality you could publish the book yourself, pitch the idea to someone else or fund it yourself, go for another promotion, and just go to the gym anyways.
We can’t just throw our dreams at a situation and call it quits when it doesn’t work out. When one avenue isn’t the right one, find a different avenue, even if that means creating your own. So then the questions become how much is your dream worth, what will it take, and are you willing to do it?
Like I said, this is something I need to do myself but the first step is just knowing the problem is there.

Video: Why Bother Going Outside

Video

Sure with our technology today you could make the case that you don’t need to go see or do everything. You can simply experience it from your computer screen. But why should you?

In this video explorer Ben Saunders talks about why you should go outside and be out there more often. There are things you can’t experience just by watching someone else do them. And don’t just do the things that everyone else does. Take on a challenge and get moving! I couldn’t agree more.